


Severus' Thoughts

by allthingsmagical



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:19:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3147275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthingsmagical/pseuds/allthingsmagical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Writes....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Severus' Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I thought of, also something I have never done before so nervous

_All my life I have been alone, even at home before I started Hogwarts, alone I would be in my room or outside listening to my father beat my mother hoping and praying that he wouldn't come after me next. Someone out there must have heard my prayers as he never did; sadly no one heard my prayers to leave my mother alone._   
  
_Any child that lost a parent or both parents at such a young age would cry, be upset, get angry, and go quiet. Each child grieves differently. I can say with confidence that no other child grieved when there parents died like I did, for I did not grieve. I was happy when I heard my mother died during my first year at Hogwarts, to me it meant she was free from the pain brought upon her by my father, she was free. Weeks before I finished my first year had finished I was told by Professor Dumbledore that my father had been found dead. Hearing that news I gave the startled Headmaster the biggest smile telling him thank you and how happy I was. I was told he got into a drunken fight. I didn't care he was gone from my life._   
  
_The Headmaster had told me as he has no other relatives that I was to stay at Hogwarts. So from the age of eleven Hogwarts had become my home. I had my best and only friend Lily. My abusive father was dead I no longer had to live in fear I was happy for the first time in my life._   
  
_How I had lived I knew it wouldn't last, happiness never did in my life as father always saw to that, it seemed as though I was just like him, I let James Potter and his friends bullying get the better of me, I snapped and hurt my only friend, I called her the worst thing someone could call someone, I lost my only friend that day, that was when my life started to go bad again, I fell into Lucius Malfoy’s crowd I got treated well, spoilt, given whatever I wanted and in return all I had to do was meet Lucius’ friend, at the time I saw no harm. How wrong I was. His friend was none other than Tom Riddle who treated me like royalty was impressed with my work at school encouraged me saying I could only get better and get better I did, youngest person alive today to get a potions master degree at the age of eighteen, when I was handed it Lily came up and congratulated me, it was the first time she had spoken to me in three years before I could even reply I was dragged away by Lucius telling me she was only interested now I was becoming someone._   
  
_Tom Riddle told me he was to show me how proud he was, that night I got the mark that covers my left forearm. The next couple of years I did nothing but make potions for Tom Riddle. To say I had studied all I could with potions I did not even know what the potions made. Once I learned what they were, that they were deadly potions, realising that potions I were making were killing people I got scared for the first time in years and I did what I used to do when scared. I went to Lily._   
  
_I wasn't surprised to get the door slammed in my face when James Potter saw it was me, a few moments later the door opened again and a heavily pregnant Lily stepped out, she took one look at me and invited me for a walk, she, apart from only one other person was the only one who could read me so well. I told her everything and she implored me to go and see Albus before it was too late but I knew it was already too late; potions I made had killed people._   
  
_That day was the last time I saw Lily in person I read in paper and saw pictures when she had her son, Harry._   
  
_Tom Riddle had gotten angry he had been determined to find them after they had gone into hiding he was after them because of my second big mistake; I had told him what I had overheard on the prophecy. I realised my mistake as soon as I told him as I went to Albus at last and told him, begged him to hide them. In return I gave Albus me, me as a spy._   
  
_The following Halloween I did something I had never done when I saw Lily lying there on the floor that was Harry’s bedroom. I cried. I made a huge mistake and saw the price of that mistake lying on the floor. It is a mistake I will be forever paying for despite what I am now told._   
  
_After that night Albus took me in, made me a Professor I turned around slowly, I still blamed myself for it all still do even now from time to time but I am getting better. There was a lot of uproar when Albus took me on a lot of people threatened to remove their children but Albus stood his ground and fought for me. I know even up until his dying day a week hadn't gone past without someone complaining._   
  
_For ten years I taught trying my hardest to forget about Lily, I was managing it as well until her son came to Hogwarts. Yes I looked out for him as was asked to by Albus and all he had done for me it was the least I could do. I wanted to like him as he was the only thing left from Lily but hated him as he was James’ double the only thing Harry was like of Lily was his eyes._   
  
_The more I watched the boy the more I was reminded of James when we were at school. I know it was wrong of me but I took points from him and gave him detention whenever I could. Albus always thought it was an act to throw Harry off. I let him believe it; truth was I hated an eleven year old boy just because he looked like his father._   
  
_It was at the end of his fourth year that what we all knew was coming had happened. Tom Riddle had returned, I knew my life would be in danger again I had to convince Tom Riddle I had fooled Albus into thinking I had changed. I never thought it would work but it worked so well I became one of his most trusted death eaters._   
  
_At the start of Harry’s fifth year training had begun. Albus had told me he knew how to get rid of Tom for good and while he was doing that I was to train Harry. It was through training him that I saw I was wrong during his last four years at Hogwarts, the only thing he had got from James was his looks, and he was like Lily in every other way there was Lily’s personality and Harry’s own that made me change how I saw him._   
  
_Harry was determined; we became friends after so long I was surprised he even shouted at his own godfather for calling me and laughing. Halfway through Harry’s sixth year I had returned to Hogwarts after a death eater meeting in the arms of my godson Draco, I had been found out and if not for Draco would have died._   
  
_Tom Riddle met his end weeks before Harry turned seventeen. Harry came back to finish his final year along with not only his friends but with Remus and Sirius also. Minerva had become Headmistress so Remus took over her position as Transfiguration teacher while Sirius was made Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor. I was happy teaching potions once more, Slughorn happily went back into retirement. I was doing what I loved, making potions. The world was rid of Tom Riddle. I was free._   
  
_I was surprised when Harry came to me in his seventh year asking for extra lessons as he would be staying on to work under Poppy. It was in those lessons we became close, very close. I would teach him and then instead of going back to his dorm he would stay and we would stay up all night talking, it had been so long since I was that happy and I was determined not to ruin it all again._   
  
_Harry had finished his seventh year and passed all of his exams and after saying goodbye to his friends he stayed on as he said and surprised me by staying with me, we had gotten together properly as soon as he finished his last exam._   
  
_We got together when he was seventeen, married when he was twenty the summer before he took over as Poppy had retired. Fifteen years we have been bonded and are as happy now as when we first started out. Yes we have arguments but what couple doesn't, important thing is we make up and learn from them and we have never looked back. I said to myself when I first got with Harry that I would not ruin this like I have with everything else in my life and I am happy to say that I haven't, I am too happy to pick fault with anything, not that I could pick fault as there is nothing wrong with me and Harry._   
  
_Harry, not only my bonded he is my life, my soul, my heart. I didn't find my happiness, my true happiness until I was thirty seven years of age, the happiness I now have with Harry knowing I would have this for the rest of my days the first thirty seven years of pain and loneliness and heartbreak was more than worth it and would live through it again knowing I had Harry at the end of it._   
  
  
**_The end._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Comment or Kudos?


End file.
